OF MICE AND MEN, or The Politics of Backyard Landscaping for Wildlife.

 

Ok, it’s that time of year when the earth begins anew.  The grass starts greening and growing, wild flowers are in bloom and taking over every square inch that the winds will blow their seeds to. The migrating birds are heading back north again. Gecko’s are all over the block fence, (and not one of them will lower my insurance rates) and the fish are doing that dance of love…(you know swimming as fast as they can from one end of the pond to the other).  Yes, all is right with the…wait a minute…what was that. Something fast just scurried under the Bar-B-Q grill. Yes, Speedy Gonzales has come for a visit.  It seems that I have a family of field mice living in my backyard.  Yes, I remember that my backyard is listed as a Certified Backyard Wildlife Sanctuary, but I don’t remember inviting them to the party…(when did these mice learn to read that sign?)

 

The last few years I’ve been battling with whether or not to allow a migrating Merlin (for those who don’t know a Merlin is a bird of prey akin to a Falcon) to use the garden hooks and statuary as his very own Cracker Barrel patio rocking chairs at the Parks Bird Buffet.  Since these perches sit right in front of (and just below) the back wall, he likes to sit on a hook and wait for the birds to fly into the yard and up to the feeders.  It’s like picking the perfect lobster from the tank at Red Lobster.  I have eat in, take out, and now curb service and a drive up (or in this case – fly up) window for my backyard wildlife.  What more could anyone ask.  So you ask…What’s the problem?  Well, do I let the Merlin continue snacking on the birds that I am spending my hard earned pay to feed, just to fatten them up for his enjoyment?  Or should I remove the perches and at least make him work for his supper?  (Am I contributing to the laziness of this once noble bird of prey?  Will I walk outside one day to see him kicked back in my lounge chair, beer in wing, listening to the Suns Game?)  No.  I will leave the perches where they are and chalk this up to the Ingenuity of Nature.

 

Now comes this year’s inner turmoil.  I have grown up all my life believing mice to be the enemy.  I believe that they are nasty little creatures that eat your food and destroy your property to make their homes out of.  And what do they give in return…little brown nuggets that require a Haz-Mat team to clean up.  Not even Speedy and Mickey combined could break this hold on my psyche.  Yes, these little Mini Me rats are behind the fall of many a great civilization, and now they are invading my backyard.  So bold are these hooligans, that I came into my family room one morning to see one crawling half way up the outside of my patio screen door.  He didn’t realize I was in the room until I knocked on the glass arcadia door, to which he did a backwards swan dive, five feet across and down onto the patio.  I have never seen him darken my door again. I’m sure one of his buddies is still performing CPR on him. So my dilemma is…do I rid myself of these pint-sized pest with traps, poisons, and the occasional Bunker Buster Bomb, and risk losing my Backyard Certification? Or leave them be and live in fear of going down in history as being the man who allowed the Bubonic plague to reignite and destroy the Americas. 

 

So how did I solve this quandary? I consulted the greatest military minds of our time,

Captains James T Kirk and Jean Luc Piccard.  I have negotiated a peace treaty and set up a neutral zone. The house and the concrete patio is Federation Territory, the pea gravel surrounding that is the neutral zone, and all that is grass and green is Rodent Romulan territory. For their cooperation in staying out of my area, I will allow them all the dropped bird seed from the feeders.  They can graze to their hearts content.  Besides, next week I will start attracting more wildlife by leaving a saucer of milk outside…Here Kitty…Kitty…Kitty.                                                                                                       

 

Submitted by Clyde Parks